A.R.E. Questionnaire
We now know that the key to long-lasting love is centered in emotional responsiveness. Emotional responsiveness is comprised of three main areas: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement. Essentially, we all want a positive answer to the questions : Are you there for me? Can I reach you? Can I rely on you to respond to me? Do I matter to you? (Johnson, 2010)
This questionnaire will help you begin to see your relationship through the lens of emotional responsiveness. Read each statement and circle T for true or F for false.
From you viewpoint, is your partner ACCESSIBLE to you?
1. I can get my partner’s attention easily. T F
2. My partner is easy to connect with emotionally. T F
3. My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. T F
4. I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship.T F
5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner and
he/she will listen. T F
From your point of view, is your partner RESPONSIVE to you?
1. If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there. T F
2. My partner responds to signals that I need him/her
to come close. T F
3. I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious
or unsure. T F
4. Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am
important to my partner and we will find a
way to come together. T F
5. If I need reassurance about how important I am to
my partner, I can get it. T F
Are you positively emotionally ENGAGED with each other?
1. I feel comfortable being close to and trusting my partner. T F
2. I can confide in my partner about almost anything. T F
3. I feel confident, even when we are apart, that
we are connected to each other. T F
4. I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts
and fears. T F
5. I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my
partner. T F
As you review the statements that you have checked as true and those that were not true, you may have a deeper understanding of what a secure relationship connection can look like.
The Hold Me Tight Program can help you and your partner enhance your connection and move toward increased emotional responsiveness.
Follow me on Twitter
